DANICA TRAGICALLY. -drastic-

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DANI KNOWS YOU'RE READING THIS.

dani

i love my friends even though i get ditched and betrayed every now and then.

i believe i can make it happen. i will make my own way.

im very different when im in school and out of school and when im with different people. so basically don't judge me when im in school. thanks

i might sound like a whiny bitch in my blog. cause i will be straightforward and i post whatever comes to my mind. and i can be harsh. especially when it comes to "anger venting" posts. so please do not take it at heart if i write something that feels like... i just bit you.

that fugly shit of a uniform.

first canvas piece. looking back it looks kinda amateur-ish now0_0
(ohohoh! new word!!! ISH=D

so its the new year!

yoohoo! Going nuts and drunk..... NOT.

Total opposite in fact,
I was just sketching at home and having a heart to heart chat with ellie via msn.
she and I, as similar as our lives can be sometimes=.= we like ''misery loves it company'' at home!? Haha, oh well.
So when the clock struck twelve we were like..... oh its 2010 alr...o.o
Um.. Okay..*_* continue,,,
Whereas some other people were getting drunk on cocktails and barfing in siloso beach...??? Yea....

But anyways. School's starting tmr.
I'm overly ecstatic to be out of this goddamn cage. But at the same time the very sight of teachers and uniforms and freaking no lifers in school disgust me. Oh well.
Just 729 more days... Which is a hell lot.
And I'll be out of that stinking place.

Ohohoh! I won't have to ''write'' another letter bout me hairXD
Its jet black Hah!
So back off you nasty swaggers!
I don't what that is but it sounds bad so yeah!

Yep.
That's bout it!

Later=)
Later=)

Sunday, January 3, 2010 - 2:10 AM

when a sadist contemplates whats real

When two people start a conversation about things they did not realise from the start.
Or lets put it crudely, things they were not willingly to face from the start,
And these things for a first are smth they have in common,
And these things are feelings,
(not feelings for each other though just difficulties that they have in common)
They break it down and realisation happens,
And they come to a conclusion which is utterly sad and painful. And it hurts but at the same time there is nothing they can do about it.
and then eventually they stop the conversation and there,
Its a little bond, a little connection they have.
But then, now.
Going back to reality alone,
I sit down. A sadist alone, contemplating in silence the new aroused problem,
Like a fresh cut bleeding and I'm examining it..

Should I close my eyes, and pretend its not there and try not to care?

Or should I try to tend to it.. Clueless about the right way to handle it.. And risk infecting it?

but inside, I feel and know that something wrong. It doesn't feel right and using the wrong words to interpret it because I can't find the right words won't make it better,
I wonder is it my fault for being so full of doubt and question and feel.

But, as I've once heard.
feeling. Isn't that what makes me human?
I shouldn't ignore what I feel.

What I'm telling myself now:
If there are no sparks then its getting nowhere.
If you're trying to fill up that empty space without really feeling what should be real, you're lying to yourself and what's worst you're being marked by the awful words ''using someone''.
So make a decision,
Stop probing or try and mend it.... Or leave it.

But what's bad is... He won't understand cause he's never felt it the way I did.

later=)

Sunday, December 27, 2009 - 2:24 AM

its no longer daddy. its father.

ME? NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT EVER YOU MEAN, RESPECT, OBEDIENCE?!

for crickey's sake.

i think YOU DONT BOTHER TO UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN DAUGHTER.

hahaha, omj.

im laughing hysterically.
okay kidding. im just oddly calm right now.

obedience makes me laugh. in scorn.

even if im born an effing catholic child, as a fucking human i have the goddamn right to choose what religion i will live.

so basically ppl.

as always. the bad things happen during christmas again.
dont ask.
but my phone's gone, so dont text or call me.

im either gonna leave this house or live like a no lifer for another 2 years.

but after O's, im outta here.

and carol babe, nails day might not happen but you can still have it at your house or smth without me=)
im really sorry-.-
yea, but we did have fun during the hols=D
we'll exchange gifts soon!
and sunday might not happen for me either-.-
oh well.

later=D

Friday, December 25, 2009 - 3:05 PM

desperate for new joy.

im still stuck at the body. but im getting on with it=)

my "ah lian" hair is gone!!!!!
i was looking at hanna beth photos and after a spilt second thought.
i just rushed to guardian bought black beauteen hairdye.

AND BOOM.

this happened.

before

after

haha, i know right.
okay, i just felt like saying it but anyhooo.

yea.
just something new to be excited over!
a change to start a new year=)

oh well...
im sketching and doing pressies tonight=)

cousin's birthday tmr!!
yea on christmas eve... lucky bitchXD
so yup!
carol's back... hallelujah=D missed her to hell loads!
her pressie is more than awesome.
taaahaaa~

hmm.. yea thats about it.
im missing precious friends.

btw, loads of questions about QUOD ME NUTRIT ME DESTRUIT.
it mean what nourishes me also destroys me.
yea yea super emo whatever you people think.
but really,
i can give you huge life examples!

dyeing your hair makes you more colourful.. but it fucking kills yr hair!
getting a piercing cause you totally want it.. but it can reject! and ugly scars... much??
eating yummy cup noodles and maggie mee... unhealthy..duh!
putting on makeup to look pretty... your destroying your natural beauty regardless.

but you still fucking do it!

see.
yea.

so! yea. my hair stinks. like really smells odour filled.
but oh well! it'll go off=)

later=D

Wednesday, December 23, 2009 - 9:08 PM

courage

one of rachel's best pictures!

so, i was just listening to the song courage by superchick.
the lyrics are pretty straightforward, about anorexia basically.

and FYI im doing english hw. -essay. dear john and the notebook inspired=)

i told another lie today.
and i got through the day.
no one saw through my games.
i know the right words to say,
like i dont feel well, i ate before i came.
then someone tells me how good i look.
and for a moment i am happy.
then when im alone. no one hears me cry.

.... etc!

it gets me all freaking emo for some reason but anyhoo.
carol's coming back tmr! JOY=)
haha.
yea.

later=)

Monday, December 21, 2009 - 6:42 PM

TODAY WAS THE DA BOMB.

watch us gropeXD

OMG. MAJOR CAMWHORE SESSION TODAY!!

PPL GO TO FB AND SEE THE PICTURES
I SWEAR IT LIKE FREAKING HOT TOPIC OR SMTH HOTNESS=)

anyway=)
today was me rachel afiq and nasri time=D

we met up.

chapstick, mascara, a tinge of eyeshadows from my inevitable 88 matte palette=)
ohoh!!! pink armsocks and hot painted high tops catches stares=)

stares and more. oh well big smiles bakc at frowns=)

btw! quote of the day: the most important parties to attend are the ones yr not invited to=D

camwhored like crazynessXD

in an empty lounge, behind scape park- graffiti place, roof top garden, the lift, int he middle of orchard, the train, everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!

watched princess and the frog=)

nas and afiq were like leaning a way form em and rachel closed to falling asleep-.-
i wish we had could use our cams, cause they looked adorable=)

and funny hilarities:

(only) HOT PURPLE SHIRT CAUCASIAN GUY WALKS PAST.

me and rachel: EXCHANGE GLANCES.

once he pasts us.

US: AHHHHH!!! HOT!! OMG, PURPLE SHIRT GUY, HOT SKATER HAIR SO CUTE.

rachel: is he still behind us? mayb e he's listening. bites lip*

me: lets check!

SHOOT OUR HEADS BEHIND, LOOK LEFT LOOK RIGHT SCAN CROWD.

us: phew! coast clear=D

BURSt OUT LAUGHINGXD

HAHAHAHAHHA!!

omg-.-

i really needed today=)

precious humans who makes time feel worth when everything seems to be getting down.

thank you guys=) no idea how much i love you guys.

but anyways=)

i hate goodbyes. killjoys...0.0

need to hang out again!!! arggh, alr missing them=0

haha!

oh well, at least i breathed inspiration and sketches will show=)

later=D

Sunday, December 20, 2009 - 11:13 PM

sheesh

GOD I WAS TOTALLY PMS-ING YESTERDAY..

forget it ppl!
that was just an effing whiny fucker yesterday posting.

but anyways.

yep!
went out with rachel and precious people who i practically smothered with hugsXD
rewatched new moon... yes...
nasri thank you for sharing my agony with me=)
but anyhoo.
NASRI'S reaction to the boyfriend wa sso hilarious!!
haha!

but still.

A SHOUTOUT APOLOGY TO THE BEAUTIFUL BABE WITH A JACK UNION SHIRT, PEACE SIGN SCARF AND BROWN CONTACT LENS!!!

im sorry i brought him along but i hardly get to go out with him!=)
i'll make it up to you! promise=)

AND RACHEL YOU NEED TO COME BY AND GET YR B'DAE PRESSIE!!

and so yea.

hmm.

im gonna be a goodie today
and start on homework.

later=)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009 - 12:42 PM